Category Archives: What I’m thinking (Thoughts and opinions)

Hidden Impact of Mentoring

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Soon I will go to Sochi to continue my work as a mentor to the Canadian Olympic Team. It will be the ninth Olympic Games that I’ve attended, my fourth as a mentor. I’ve been working with some of the Canadian winter athletes since before the 2006 Torino Winter Olympics and I’ve watched them mature from wide-eyed Olympic rookies to Sr. veterans, multi-medalists and Olympic Champions. They have become fabulous athletes and community citizens: there are so many incredible career champions among them. They now, are the role-models and mentors and I am so proud to have had the chance to work with them.

While in Sochi there is no plan for me to be on TV; I’m not there to be a spokesperson or an analyst. My role is to continue to be part of the Canadian Team’s preparation. Much of what I do is subtle and behind the scenes. All the athletes have access to professional mental performance consultants (often sport psychologists) that help them with specific field of play issues. They have coaches and team mates who are with them and support them daily. The mentoring I do is done in broad strokes; I pop in and out of camps and meetings, I send emails, or we exchange txts. I know I don’t connect with everyone on the team but that’s okay, everyone wants and needs different support and guidance. Often I explain my role like this- I offer to take the horses to water; if they drink, or how much they drink, is up to them. Throughout the year I am one of their many resources.  

When I first started going to the Olympics in this role it was a huge shift for me. To be frank –

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Setting and keeping YOUR goals

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startOne week into 2014 and, if you’ve set a (or some) resolution(s) you should be 7 days in. Just curious…How’s that going for you?!  Statistics on sticking to New Years resolutions are terrible! Depending on what source you look at – the success rate can be only 5-15%.  Come on! we can do better than that! 

Actually starting a task can be the hardest part – I get it – but personally, I don’t understand why people wait until Jan 1. to begin any goal. Goal-achieving can be hard enough without letting the start of the Gregorian Calendar be what pushes your start button. I believe that using the calendar to inspire action is like using a false friend for a buddy; in a pinch – will they go out of their way to back you up when you need it?  You want to start something? Start it! You want to change something? Change it!

As you progress it should feel as if you are making choices – not sacrifices.

I’m not saying having New Years Resolutions is wrong. I suppose if having a deadline to finish a goal works so well for me, then having a deadline to start a goal can work for others. In either case, I believe the key to success is in the ownership of the goal itself. No goal will be easy to achieve, but if you believe the goal is yours, something you-want-for-you, then the easier it is to stay committed to. (ex. If a child wants to learn/play a sport/instrument then they are far more likely to stay committed to the training than a child whose parents want them to play that sport/instrument. Or… A person has to want to quit smoking for them self first. The goal of quitting because other people want you to, or you think other people want you to is so much harder.  )

  • Did you set a goal just to set it?                                             Really Tough to stick to  
  • Is it someone else’s goal?                                                        Harder to stick to     
  • Did you wait for someone to start/push you?              Hard to stick to
  • Is it your own goal?  (set for and by you)                         Easier to stick to
  • Did you instigate the start and ‘jump in’?                       Easier to stick to    
  • Are you genuinely passionate about the goal?             Practically easy to stick to

 

The more involvement you have in the initial planning, instigation and performance of a goal the more motivation, commitment and accountability you’ll have as you progress along your goal-achieving path. When that is the case, as you progress it should feel as if you are making choices that will help achieve your goal – not that you are making sacrifices that will ‘ruin your day’. This isn’t exclusive to adults. Too often I hear stories where parents have, with best intentions, taken care of all of the planning, the start date and even a lot of the ‘tricky’ or more challenging elements of a goal/task that belongs to their child and then they wonder why their child has no commitment to it.  Continue reading →

Finding answers from the ‘Don’t’ side

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don't13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do – 

Digging around the internet I’m always looking for … stuff. Stuff that holds my attention, stuff that gets me thinking, stuff that teaches me something new – or reminds me of things I’ve forgotten. It seems that the following list by compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, originally posted in  LifeHack is the kind of stuff that appeals to me  – and apparently to many others. When I found it – it had over 185k shares and where I had found it, reposted by Cheryl Conner on Forbes’ web site , it had been viewed over 2.5million times.

Much of what we study to improve ourselves is from the perspective of what we SHOULD do… but that doesn’t always jive with how I think. Sometimes I find it easier to tell you what, or where I don’t want to eat vs what I do want to eat. Looking for an new job or career? The options can be so vast that we can’t even begin to articulate what we DO want to do – but can can be quite clear on the things that we DON’T want to do. Same with where you want to live, who you want to be with…  etc etc. There is nothing wrong with discovering your answers from the perspective of what you don’t want. In fact – coming at it from that side might reveal more options than you would have included from the perspective of what you do want.

The refreshing part of this list/article is that it’s not hesitant to articulate what mentally strong people DON’T do. And today – that’s the kind of stuff that is resonating with me.

13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do –

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become more mentally strong.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond. Continue reading →

Being a Role Model – with pride

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When asked if I wanted to be on the Canadian Olympic Committee’s float at the Toronto Pride Parade, I found myself, not for the first time, questioning what it really means to be a role model.

school presentationThe first time I found myself considering if I was a role model I was 24 years old, a World and Olympic Champion, and talking about believing in yourself and being brave enough to chase your dreams. Just back from the 1992 Barcelona Olympics, I was talking to a group of grade 9 and 10 students about the ups and downs that preceded winning my 2 new shiny gold medals. Amid all the typical/easy questions like, “Are they made of real gold?”, “Where do you keep your medals?” or “How old were you when you started rowing?”…came a zinger. A student stood up, looked at me quite earnestly and asked, “Do you see yourself as a role model?”

I wanted to laugh – me? (Ha!) Sure I had won a race or two but a role model? I was just a rower; and when not rowing I thought of myself as really ‘normal’ and often lazy. I knew all of my flaws; I knew how much better I thought I could be – a better rower, a better friend, a better person. My inner-voice answered ‘no way’ to the role model question. But before I answered aloud I thought it through. What is a role model? Who were mine?

To me, role models demonstrate behaviours that we hope that we will demonstrate in the same, often challenging, situations. I couldn’t think of one person that was my all-encompassing role model – but I could think of many people and the different things that they had accomplished or said that I thought were pretty cool.

I’ve seen acts of focus, strength, kindness, bravery, generosity, humour, intelligence and thoughtfulness that have inspired me. I have tremendous admiration for those who have built and demonstrate strong, loving and lasting relationships. I want and hope for all of that. I watch people who demonstrate these traits and, when possible, I try to emulate them.   Continue reading →